Building A Better You

Weekly Challenge # 119: Act (on) Your Age

Instead of carrying around your old age, your young age, your middle age as a burden--something to be suffered...realize and acknowledge that your age presents you with some unique advantage.  Identify it and then act on that advantage.

Many of you know (since I usually announce to groups I am facilitating) that I only work with smart people.  :)  And smart people, of all people, really know how to make things hard for  themselves...they really know how to struggle.  (Hence the beginning of the Struggle Less, BE More set of strategies).

"Not acting your age" is one way that smart people make life harder than it needs to be, because by doing so, they totally disregard the advantage that their age brings them.

Some Examples of Not Acting Your Age:

- you're 24 and have a comfort with navigating the online frontier of MySpace, Facebook, Twitter and del.icio.us.  Instead of seeing it as a set of skills that put you at a competitive advantage with potential employers, you spend most of your interviews acting like you're 48 and well experienced in corporate financing.  It's good to be 24.

- you're 47 and fathering a newborn.   Sure, you're tired all the time, so you spend your time wishing you were 28 with more energy, forgetting that you're an experienced father with an ability to write, and the connections to get you work about fatherhood into the hands of editors.

- you're 63 and thinking about retirement.  With the "help" of friends, you're acting like you're 88 and ready to call it permanent quits.  You're forgetting that you could be primed for the next 25+ years to be the most fruitful and rewarding of your entire life.  You have decades of experience, the bruises to prove it, AND the wisdom of how NOT to do things. 

We often seem to be pining for another age.  We are 20 and want to be 30.  We are 50 and want to be 30.  etc. etc. etc.

Instead of wishing, we would do better to take advantage of WHO we are and WHEN we are.  That is your unique advantage right now.

Two Reasons (and warnings) Why This Challenge Is So Timely:

(1) YOU WILL NEVER BE YOUR CURRENT AGE AGAIN

There are things you can do and be at your age that will be less possible, less easy next decade...or next year.  There is energy you have in your thirties that you won't have in your forties, etc.  So the window of opportunity for certain things IS slowly closing.  Sorry/glad to have to remind you.

(2)  ONLY YOU HAVE THE UNIQUE SET OF EXPERIENCES AT YOUR AGE

Which means YOU can take advantage of the juxtaposition of WHO you are and WHEN you are.  And, there is urgency here, because time is the great equalizer:   If you have more experience than the average 32 year old, by the time you are 38, more of your peers will have the same experience.  If you have more energy than most 55 year olds...by the time you are 65, your energy level will be closer to your peers.

This is all to point out that advantages you have now, aren't likely to remain advantages as time passes.  The time is now to act on them.

BOTTOM LINE:  Don't spend another minute worrying that you are not younger or older.  Instead, realize that WHO you are and WHEN you are (now) is a powerful combination for you to take advantage of.   What does your current combination of age, experience and ability give you a uniqe opportunity to create and live?  Wear your age as an advantage, not a burden.

BE more,

Tom

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POWER QUESTIONS:

1. What opportunities did I miss last decade because I forgot my age?
2. Am I guilty of acting too old or too young for my own good? 
3. What's the best thing for someone with your age, experience and ability to be doing?  Are you?

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Weekly Challenge # 118: Free Your Mind From Clutter

How much of your brainpower do you spend focused on those things that truly have meaning for you in your life?  How much of your thinking space is occupied by your most meaningful (read: top) priorities at work?  We can spend an awful lot of time thinking about stuff that doesn't matter so much, including (as we explored last week), worrying about situations that will never happen or are already over.

If you expect to accomplish your big goals this year (yes there is still time), if you expect to be happy with your life and work, you might need to do a mental clean-up.  Your brain needs to be at its best for what you have planned for your future, right?

Free your mind up so it can be focused on putting YOU--your talents and strengths in play, pursuing those things that have meaning and purpose to you, and giving you the best chance of contributing big in this world.

Some of you recognize that this weeks challenge is a triple whammy from the Struggle Less, BE More set of strategies, invoking three simultaneously: 

Drop the weight (clutter) + Shift your beliefs + Pursue meaning...with a major focus on the first strategy: Drop the weight.

Below are a few examples of the kinds of brain clutter that I and my clients seem to have quite frequently.  WARNING: at least half of this "clutter" is positive stuff, because not everything that is clutter is "junk."  Think of your office: if it's too crowded with awards and books and supplies (all good stuff) it still makes for a very poor environment to get your important work done.  The same can apply with your brain.

Five Categories of Brain Clutter:

1 - scenes from your past, interactions that you continue to replay on that VHS in your mind, wishing for a different ending, but experienceing the same mental anguish and emotion all over again, every single time

2 - specific fears you like to focus on that mostly tend to immobilize you: what will "they" think?  what if I trip and mess up?  am I really cut out to do this anyway?  etc.

3 - ideas and projects that are NOT going to happen right now, but that you still consider every day:  When am I going to get to that project?  Maybe I can work on that a little bit this week.  Maybe you devote actual planning and thinking time to it (but it doesn't mean it's going to happen). 

4 - aspirations of your future work or accomplishments: I'm talking about those dreams you have about becoming a world class piano player that (a) aren't that compelling to you (b) seem unlikely since you don't have a passion for music, and (c) are more connected to the praise you saw heaped on your neighbor as she became one.  That's NOT you.

This also includes unrealistic occupation notions, as in: maybe I should check into opening that restaurant by the waterfront (even though you don't like managing people, have no restaurant experience and mostly like the idea of eating by the water.) 

5 - aspirations of behavior change that again, simply are not you:  I wish I could become an early riser like her.  I wish I could type on the computer like him.  I wish I could juggle eight kids, two businesses and three charity projects so effortlessly like her.  Could you change your behavior?  Yes.  Will you, given who you are and where your strengths lie?  Probably not.

Now again, ideas are good.  Aspirations are great.  And they are both ways in which we move our lives forward in extraordinary ways.  BUT, in the bottom three categories, I'm referring to clutter...they are like the pair of pants you are keeping in your closet because (a) they are made from quality material, (b) they were all the rage (1995), and (c) you might fit into them again some day.  Clutter.

What can you do if you know you have some brain clutter like this?   Commit to a time of cleaning out.  Get some help if you need it, and as a start, consider these:

Three Options For Clearing The Brain Clutter:

(1)  Name it, and mentally put it in it's proper place.

If you go through the five categories and list the brain clutter you seem to have at the moment, that very action will cause a shift to occur.  As you identify your clutter, put the proper label on your thinking: "not based in reality", wishful, "not gonna happen-at least this decade," or "so 1987, I can't believe I'm still dwelling on it."  It will become hard to give it the same attention in the future.

(2)  Let it go.

Let go of the negative past and your fears by holding them up to the light of day.  They don't survive under such scrutiny.  You might need to get the help of a trusted friend, therapist, or adviser to dispel them or release your grip.

For the positive things  you still think could be a part of your future, file them away mentally (or physically if you have plans and folders) into long-term storage.  Give them a label that indicates "don't think about again until 2010"  That way your brain knows you might come back to it, but not in the present.

(3)  Replace it.

There is nothing like a compelling, present-tense, passion or purpose to keep your mind nearly completely occupied on what has meaning for you.  It's hard to fret about what your ex-boss told you in 1998 when you are knee-deep in making your current dreams a reality.  It's amazing how many of the petty things in your mind can fall away in the presense of a set of big, compelling, meaningful, crazy ambitions you are pursuing or passions you are tending to.

Cleaning up our thinking is often neither simple nor important to us.  We rather like our thoughts and ideas-regardless of whether they serve us well or not.  It's just like the clutter in our homes and offices.   We tend to grow accustomed to it.  So maybe you need a wake-up call.

But if you are feeling heavy, overly-burdened by your own thinking: too full or heavy to fly toward your dreams...consider clearing the cobwebs and the clutter.  And cut yourself some slack when you realize you could use some outside help...have you ever noticed how easy it is to help others get rid of their junk, but so much harder to pitch your own?

BOTTOM LINE:  Given that you have important things you want to accomplish, given that your unique contributions on this earth are needed, given that you really do have big dreams for yourself, your family, your work, your life....you can't afford to have your mind cluttered with old, negative or useless thoughts.  What you're living is a function of what you're thinking.  Clean up your thoughts to make room for the thinking and life you want.

BE more,

Tom

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POWER QUESTIONS:

1. What thoughts tend to clutter up my mind, wasting valuable space and time?
2. What line of thinking might I be overvaluing, continually "going there" with no benefit?
3. What dreams of mine do I want to be thinking about more?

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Weekly Challenge # 117: Stop Using Your Imagination To Worry

Do you spend precious brainpower conjuring up all kinds of negative scenarios that COULD happen to you, but mostly never do?  Are you able to take a small piece of disappointing information or feedback and through your own thinking, turn that into a major scenario of doom and gloom?  Do you find yourself practicing how you will respond to negative information, people or situations, even though they will never likely occur that way?

Stop it.  You're a grown professional.  And you know better.

All that time, all that energy, all of your smarts and creativity could be used instead to anticipate and create the positive in your life --and in the process, create the kind of positive experience that leads to vitality and longer life.

So, setting aside that we do have things (and people) that happen TO us that are negative, if you're a smart and creative person, and you find yourself having a lot of pity parties for yourself, getting down in the dumps on a daily basis, or generally having a negative experience when it comes to your job or your personal life...there's a good chance YOU really are the source of most of your trouble.

Personally, I will often catch myself rehearsing what would be potentially negative interactions with people--interactions that will never occur that way.  Except that the rehearsing has the EXACT SAME impact as if I experienced them in reality:  my adrenaline is up, I am upset or angry, my view of the person, myself and the situation has shifted --and it's all of my own creation.

I can do this almost anytime I have a free moment to think: when I'm driving, in-between projects, while I'm taking a shower, etc.

The result, if this is unchecked, can be a depressing afternoon, or a really poor start to the day, or, if I'm really creative...a depressing week or month!

Do you know people who can think this way too.  Maybe...you?

What can we do about this if we're prone to such dark use of our creative powers?

A couple of strategies (to be used together) to help us out:

(1) Shift from being a worrier to being a dreamer.

In other words, always have positive, aspirational stuff you can be thinking about and rehearsing for the future.  Get in the active habit of thinking about THAT stuff, instead of going into your usual pattern of worrying about and rehearsing the negative.

Our minds know no neutral.  So if you tend to dwell on the potential negative (worry), you need to have your goals and your dreams at the ready so you can, instead,  imagine how those will be, what they will be like for you and how they will unfold in your life.  (It's the same process you use to worry, so don't act like you don't know how to think this way...you just aren't used to writing feel good movies as you are made-for-tv disaster movies for you life).

The key to this strategy is actually HAVING dreams, having goals for yourself.  If you don't...this must be your first priority.  What does your best life look/sound/feel like?

(2) Identify your most "creative" times, and and place cues in your environment to trigger your thinking toward the positive.

If you know you can really start imagining disaster when you have a free moment at your computer, put up some visual cues that remind you to focus on your dreams.  If the shower is a creative place for you--go into the shower with something specific and positive to think / dream about.  (not as crazy as it sounds)

They key here is to remove your imagination from auto-pilot...especially if it has a tendency to drift toward the negative.  For example, if you have your three compelling dreams written on a sticky note on your car dashboard, it will be harder to drift into negative rehearsal (for very long) while you're driving.

Both of these strategies, taken together, can get you back on the road to creating the work and life you want, and to building a better you.

One final appeal for you to seriously shift your thinking I will offer in the way of an explanation: Why are we often caught worrying?  I think it's due to mental laziness.  We really do have our thinking on auto-pilot and we haven't bothered to harness our tremendous brain power for use in making our goals and dreams for ourselves and this world a reality.  It's time to take charge of your thinking!

A long time ago, Napoleon Hill wrote that "whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve."  The first step has been and always will be...creating in our minds what we want to be and see in the world.   I encourage you to take this step daily.

BOTTOM LINE:  If you find yourself worrying a lot, YOU are the likely source of your experience through your own negative mental rehearsal.  Stop using your imagination to think negatively and instead focus on your goals and your dreams, imagining them into reality every day.

BE more,

Tom

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POWER QUESTIONS:

1. Where (or when) do I tend to get myself into a funk because of my thinking?
2. What goals or dreams for my life do I have that I could be focusing my imagination on all the time?
3. What do I tend to worry about most (that never happens)?  What could I focus on instead?

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